hi strangeskies
I am sorry that your life has been such a struggle. it sounds as if things have been very traumatic for you. it could be that you have ptsd instead of bpd. they are often misdiagnosed for each other. perhaps getting counseling for your trauma would give you a different outlook on life. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome