Thank you kaliope. I think that I have BPD because the symptoms fit. At first I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder (probably because I hardly said anything) and that didn't make sense. But when I got the BPD diagnosis it made sense. I think that I might have both BPD and PTSD.

About the therapy... I learned from the internet how there is this "therapy" thing and I didn't know what it is. When I asked the psychiatrists one would say "when you are good enough you can get therapy", which was like an empty promise to a child: "when you behave I will buy you an airplane." Other would say: "this is therapy, what I am doing with you." But it simply wasn't. And those psychiatrists, had certificates hung on the wall from American and British universities. So I believe we have no therapy here, it is a luxury that is not available. And even if, there is no money anymore and government doesn't pay for these things. If I could have gotten therapy then I would long ago. But I'm alone with this.

On another topic, I noticed silly mistakes in my first post. When I said my parents had me at 60 and 50 years old I meant 50 and 40.