That's how I was. Sometimes I'd feel like I just want to get wasted and not remember anything. But once I got a boyfriend that was against alcohol/tobacco/drugs I had a major sacrifice to give up since his cousins died of drunk driving, and his mother has cancer. But now that I'm sober, I feel better. I know that feeling but sometimes you need to let go for the better. If you need anything please feel free to PM me anytime.