leaving to google my therapist's name.....

I know this is confidential and it is a breach of confidentiality but my first pdoc really was my hero in so many ways and thus I loved him so. He was sick during and increasingly so after I saw him and actually we loosely kept in touch, even got together for dinner/lunch...seldom. . I would look him up in my hospital system to see when he was admitted and discharged. I did nothing with it...but it touched my heart.

That is bad.... but it was my way to keep connected and in the loop and out of the way.

I know it was a totally wrong thing to do... I have not really admitted to it to many (so here you have it) but did admit it to him.

That ... provides guilt to this day really... even though he died five or more years ago. He seemed o.k. with it. I suppose he was pleased that I kept in touch...I think.. Special was I .....or I hoped so. Oh well...