Hello flours,
About the friends telling you that you don't know anything about life, that doesn't sound very nice
. I don't know what kind of social situations they say this in, but it sounds like something someone would say to either bring someone else down or if they're offended, which it doesn't sound like you'd be the type of person to say anything offensive. Perhaps it's a subject they are very proud of. I notice this with a lot of people myself.
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Originally Posted by flours
people don't enjoy listening to me. everything I thought was an exciting story or a shared interest starts to sound totally boring and turns into a plain annoyance when I start talking about it. so I try to shut up and listen to the other people instead. (which is sometimes very boring to me) I've heard a lot that this was something to do to become more liked. but what happens is that people don't even notice I'm there.
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I feel that a lot too. I think it's about choosing the right people to talk about the subject too. I feel like the moment they start looking or acting bored is when you need to change the subject. It even sounds like there's something else going on, like they weren't used to you talking before and are surprised, or their the "popularity" minded people. Well, just a guess.
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Originally Posted by flours
even if I have a shared interest with someone the moment we start talking it turns out the other person knows a lot more and I cannot even respond to what he tells because I haven't done enough research.
I feel many things could be interesting to me but I don't have the capacity to study all there is about a certain subject. I cannot keep reading such a long time or watch so many movies because too much input overwhelms me and I need some time to reflect.
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I really understand this. I often have to switch between subjects when studying because my mind goes off into the subject and doesn't come back for long enough to continue concentrating
. I'm sure there are some people out there who don't know the subject as much as you, and when they become quiet, they may also be feeling embarrassed they don't know as much. When you don't know as much about the subject as someone else, can you tell them you don't know a whole lot about it and ask them to explain more to you?
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Originally Posted by flours
generally too much input overwhelms me and that's why it's not fun being with me. That is something that will never change. I'll always need a long coffee break and sit down in a calm place even when being on holiday in the most exciting place in the world. I'll always be slow and need a lot of time to take all the information in. no way I could turn into an extrovert entertaining charming person!
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Same with me. I think the people who re-energize alone are the minority in the world. If I talk to long, I need a break for a while.
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Originally Posted by flours
that makes me feel very uneducated although I don't think I am.
I actually think I am quite intelligent (yeah I shouldn't say that about myself) and I like to discuss. especially difficult abstract ideas. a discussion can be like a game, not serious but entertaining.
but nobody likes that! !!!
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Same with me! Whenever I do this, people treat me like I'm trying to compete with them or something... Or they think the topic is too strange. I think there are people out there who like to talk about abstract topics, but it'd probably take some searching.
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Originally Posted by flours
not even people claiming to be so intellectual. there are many that like the image of being an intellectual person and spend time in coffee places to discuss philosophy. but they don't do it. they just say they were doing that.
they just throw some book titles at me they've read and show me that I don't know anything instead of having a discussion.
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I think the same thing about those people, but I also think, "Whatever floats their boat." I guess they're happy doing that, but it's sad that you can't have a truly deep discussion with them. I think they still feel a little insecure about what they believe or feel they are exactly right without a doubt, and get somewhat angry when someone wants to discuss their beliefs with them in order to have a deep, meaningful conversation, because they feel it might make them look bad or something
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Originally Posted by flours
I guess I do also have some very specific interests that probably nobody shares and i chose to not talk about. for example I think I have a very strange taste in some things so I should not tell anyone if I ever want to be a part of society.
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Well, I used to feel the same way, but I'm trying to get over that. I think everyone has a least one very strange taste in something. Maybe you can find an online group for people interested in these things? I feel that as long as you aren't hurting yourself or anyone else, than whatever "strange" taste you may have is fine.
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Originally Posted by flours
Anything I could do? (seek people with same interest doesn't seem to be working)
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I feel like the best advice I could give is that to continue to find people who you like to talk to, even if it hasn't worked so far. I think the best thing is to talk to a lot of people, the more the better, in order to find that tiny minority who you like and can talk well to. Of course, I may be wrong, but that is my advice. I know most people only have a few or even one close friend rather than a lot of acquaintances, so it may take some time.