Hi AppalachianAxis, as for the justifying it bit........you don't have to justify anything about it!!! It is what it is, and certainly not abnormal!!
And the "OMG I have a dildo hiding in my room, what is wrong with me?!"............if you were trying to hide it on the dining room table when you were having friends around for dinner, then there might be something wrong with you but hopefully you're a long way from that .
And besides..........where did we get the "hiding" bit from???? Do you reckon maybe "keeping it........." is the better term???
But you know, guilt in just having/using one is coming across quite a bit there. Do you think maybe you could pin down where some of that guilt is coming from (if you don't already know) and find some ways to challenge that guilt and work through it??
Because you would be doing nothing that hundreds of thousands (figures not researched based there but you get the message) of other people aren't/wouldn't be doing.
And "I had irrational concerns such as, "If I were to die today, someone would find............". Do you really want to live the rest of your life as a pillar of strict "morality" or almost complete innocence........not doing this, not doing that in case.........or do you want to live!!!
There is so much out there including..............to experience, to enjoy, why let it pass you by when life can be so short anyway, just because.......???
And if someone who cared about/loved you found it when.......you'd ***** expect them to remember the so many other aspects of you, right?? Their memories, all the big and little things they cared about/loved you for, right?? I would!!!
And in the bigger picture finding something like that should seriously fade in significance (if it had any!!!) besides all the other things.
But please don't feel awkward or embarrassed about talking about these kind of things on here. It is important to talk about them if they are bothering you, and there are so many non-judgmental, open-minded people on here.
Still, thank you for sharing as much as you did, and I hope you can talk more if you need to.

Alison