hello I17. i'm a volunteer crisis worker. not a professional, just trained a bit. i answer lifeline calls. so here are some questions we sort of have to ask - are you thinking of suicide? do you have a plan? have you tried previous attempt? did any of your family or friends die by suicide? are you on any medication? do you go to therapy? has your medication changed lately? has something happened that has upset you lately?
of all of those questions - i wonder for you about the last one. you wrote you had a close friend that recently got married and is now on their honeymoon so you can't talk w/ her. - is that why you are so upset? - did you ever tell her that you loved her? which i know might be an assumption. the thing is - i'm sure she still loves you - even now, after she's married. if i'm making the wrong assumption, i'm sorry.
but if there is pain because of that - well, i may be biased of course - but call Lifeline - 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - there are people there just like me who won't call the cops (unless of course it sounds like imminent danger) - and who just listen.
tho we are not suppose to give advice - just a thing - don't make your life so tiny that there are no options. depression is at times debilatating - but there are ways out - and the 1st and foremost way is to talk w/ someone, even tho it may be a stranger - we are all human with the same feelings. please give that option a chance to help you. i wish you well.