Hello everyone.

Lately within these past 3 years after frustration after frustration, I keep pushing out the love and cry out wanting it back. I've been on meds since the 7th grade, I was prescribed small dosages at first of anxiety meds by my family doctor. Soon with a 6month period signs worsed and was put on anti-D's. That went on for a few more months until are family doctor moved offices makgin us having to find a new family doctor.

I was yet again treated with anti-D's mostly smaller names. She recommended a 1 time counselation with a psyciatrist, I went (this being near end of 8th grade year middle school). After being put on a new med, nothing changed.

She then recommdned a therapst, to make a long story short I stayed with him for a year, no progress, and swichted i've been to 5 total therapists/psyciatrists. And with that a dozen+ meds. '

I"m not in my junior 11th grade year of HS. I have pushed so many of you guys and girls away. I'M SO SORRY, I'm so so scared of benig pushed away so I push others to avoid it. I've got no one to call me and check on me. My friends no of my depresseion but leave it alone even when I ask for support, I'm so mad ,.

I'm thinking of quiting therapy he doesnt give anything to help after I leave the office its just a complete talk through of feelings, I know how I feel, I need to figure out how to CHANGE that....

This started as a child but came to attention roughly 10-11 years of age, now 17 its endless, because I as a male, find sexuality to even hate me, I 'm straight but at my age group no girl wants a sensative man, a man who cries and loves, rather some brat,........

Thats fine, but I need some sort of companion, friend,girlfriend, anything to welcome me. What is so so sad is I want love, in a romantic sense, have a child a girl prefedbly, watch her grow, put on make up the LITTLE things, and a loving wife, its sad because im 17 and its impossible, and overwhelming.

UNtil next time....

Moonkin