Hi James.... I'm sorry that I have triggered your anger again. It's not what dr l said or did but its me bringing his name into our lives again. My mxing up names has really made a mess of things it would seem. There is nothing new about his posting. It's just more of the same old same old that we'd come to expect.

We were doing so well there for a while making a new home for ourselves here. Taking steps, even baby steps to look ahead rather than behind. I get that you are angry and yea it seems like the hits just keep on coming but can we really expect anything different? Did you really expect him to have an apiphany and wake up one day and see the light? It's not going to happen. Not ever. He is who he is and as far as the others there are concerned he's a fine man and an even finer doctor. That might tick us off and stir up the righteous anger in us and it might push us to want to 'rescue the innocent' but like I've said before the innocent, the niave don't want rescuing. They don't see things in black and white. Some of us need to live in the grey zone.

There is nothing to be gained and so much to be lost by going back there to find more fuel for the fire. I deliberately don't go back there for this very reason. I left a number of 'wrong dr. L position statements' hanging cuz it's just not useful for me to engage in any more back and forths with him. Past behaviour are the best predictor of future behaviour so I know there is no way to settle this other than to get off the pot.

We are the mentally ill. The 'official power elite' will push us aside and only make it worse for us. That is the reality. Any hopes that 'right is might' are just an illusion. Any energy spent hoping for anything contrary can come out of further engagement with anyone on this subject is a waste. It will only serve to slow down our efforts to find a better path. To settle in to a new home here and focus on our recovery even if it is slow as a turtle's pace some days.

I don't mean to sound defeated or in denial about anything.... to the contrary I am determined to celebrate being a survivor. Adding this to my list of experiences in my life that I have survived. I will not be broken. I will move forward and accept that what happened happened and be grateful I don't have to subject myself to any more of that stuff again. It won't be the first time I've had to give up my search for justice. Sometimes justice is served by my letting go. I've witnessed it before at the college I had to leave. I saw change happen there because of what happened to me. I didn't fight for it. I didn't do anything more than walk away with my principles in tact. I didn't run away like I first thought but I walked away from a place that was unhealthy and I denied people who seemed to get some kind of pleasure from taking shots at me. I walked away and time took care of my business. Those folks got theirs in the end. I didn't have to say a word. My walk was my talk.

Same here James. Our walk is our talk. We walked our way right over here and now we have a new chance to get on with what was most important to us. Each other. Helping each other to keep on keeping on.

I hope I'm not just triggering you some more with anything I'm sharing. I promise not to rant on about it again. I've been triggered myself as a result of how my words have sent you looking back but I'm hoping it can all work out for the good. That is my prayer for us both. For any of us that have been affected by the recent events of our past together. I pray we can make it to the next level. MT is my past. PC is my present. Everything in its place. Thats one of my issues. Organized to the point of obssession. I need to put this in its rightful place. More than I need anything to be made right. I trust time to do that.

Shared in a spirit of love and friendship... with honesty from my heart.