Hi DSM, thanks for the reply, and all the kind support thus far . I've got to say, you really paint a different picture of her for me throughout your replies so far. You've made me think more about what the "real" her is like. Maybe you're right, maybe she never really did like that loafer/joker cocky kind of guy after all. But, you know, I'll always wonder, why did she ever date him?

I've thought about it a lot. I remember before she really knew me, she used to smile at me quite a bit in our larger class (the one before our small, intimate class the following year). We didn't know each other, but she always greeted me and smiled at me, without me even knowing her name. She used to show subtle "signs" every now and then, she did touch me on the arm or so, and she did so first, before I ever did. I simply reciprocated afterwards, touching her on the shoulder, or whatever.

But, all this stuff is in the past. I don't know how to proceed in the general sense of relationships, not even specifically with this girl. The Asperger's diagnosis is very real for me, it clarifies so many of my shortcomings, it's uncanny. I guess thinking about NPD is probably not the best, but I think the Asperger's has given me a natural self-absorbency all my life. The narcissistic traits arise from having to "do things for yourself" or not being able to "rely on others". I think I have lost somewhat faith in people I suppose, due to accumulating effects of outcomes of specific circumstances and events in my life.

After reading many of the forums on here regarding relationships with Asperger's people, these personal accounts have given me insight into relationships between "normal" people and "autistic" people. As expected, I see that many are fraught with hardships, the basic needs of the "normal" person are not met (that are naturally met without even consciously trying in a relationship between "normal" people). Romantic relationships are all about emotional expression, especially love, and that's the problem I have since I have the condition - lack of emotional expression (and empathy). Even on my best day, trying my hardest, a "normal" guy would blow me out of the water with no effort at all, he doesn't even need to think about it, it's natural. Let's face it, I would just suck at any relationship with any girl, one week down the line she would be out looking for another guy, just to get her emotional needs met. And, who could blame her? I just suck, and I should just accept it.

So, it really doesn't matter anymore, I guess I'll just be alone forever. Hell, nobody does want to be alone, but what else can I do? I can't drag someone into a relationship with me and force them to endure an emotionally empty, stupid, joke of a relationship, that's not fair. I know nobody wants to hear me say this, but I really do deserve to be alone.