I can identify strongly with your concern. I have probably lost count of the number of sex toys (dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs) that I have bought and then purged. Panties, too: Before I came out of the men-who-like-to-wear panties closet, I would buy panties, use them as masturbation aids and to heighten the pleasure of my fetishes, and then put them in the garbage. It was buy panties, get off on them (now there's an interesting use of prepositions!), toss them, buy panties, get off on them, toss them, again and again ad nauseum.

There was always a lot of shame and guilt, and probably will be in the future. But sex toys of any description are neither good nor bad, and using them is neither good nor bad. If we feel shame and guilt, it's only because our society has chosen to demonize all but the most "puritan" of sexual activities, and to demonize anyone who enjoys sexual activities other than heterosexual intercourse for the purpose of procreation.

Here's an idea: Imagine that you have been charged with the "sexual offence" of using a vibrator to obtain an orgasm. Your defence is that you purchase of the vibrator was legal, that you used it alone, in private or with a consenting adult, and that no one was harmed by its use.

• The prosecutor says that you should not have bought the vibrator, because it was a "bad" purchase. He cannot provide any evidence of its badness, except that other people say it's bad, and that won't be admitted as evidence because it's hearsay.

• He or an expert witness or a given book might state that it's a "bad" purchase, but there is no scientific evidence of that.

• The prosecutor might say that the vibrator is harmful to society. Again, he'll be hard pressed to find scientific evidence of potential harm to society.

• The prosecutor might say that the Bible warns against using vibrators, but he won't be able to find a quotation from the Bible that even mentions vibrators, much less warns about using them. Besides which, the law is not based on the Bible, at least in sexual matters.

• The prosecutor might say that the user of a vibrator is endangering his or her health (which it probably isn't, although anything can be used to endanger health). The defence could reply that it is not illegal for anyone to endanger their own health.

In short, I cannot envision any legal charge against using any sex toy in the privacy of your own home, with or without the company of a consenting adult, that would stand up in court.

The court of public opinion is another matter, of course. The challenge for any sexually adventurous person is to ignore public opinion, which is nearly always based on ignorance and superstition, and to do what they feel is best for them. Anyone who disapproves probably isn't worth having a relationship with.

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