I've discovered something this week and wondered if anyone else has had this experience. About a month ago my T. and I figured out I have transference. She pointed it out and I agreed and it's been since my mom's death, so I guess maternal transference. I have nothing but positive feelings for her and have told her.
A few sessions ago I wouldn't tell her something that was really bothering me. She asked if I ever told my mom my feelings and I said not at all. She said like with me now. I thought I was acting that way because of the difficult subject matter.
I started comparing this relationship to my friends and family - why do I have strong feelings yet almost don't trust her to tell her. Why do I like her so much yet don't want her to say "I love you" or do anything I would have wanted my mom to do. OH, BECAUSE I"M TREATING HER LIKE MY MOM. Wow.
1. I don't want her to think I need her - just like my mom
2. I don't completely trust her with my feelings - always think she will discount them, judge, change the subject, not take them seriously - just like my mom. My T. has changed the subject several times but probably because I stopped talking.
3. Won't cry in front of her - just like I was taught
4. Feel any mention of spacing sessions or not having time for me - just like my mom

It's like the biggest ah-hah moment. BUT, how conflicting to have nothing but positive feelings for her yet treat her this way. I dreaded having more than a week away from her but I have realized SO MUCH even down to today and my session is Monday.