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Life has changed since the day I started this thread, I know I'm getting better, I have another new med and so far - so good. Progress is slow, and I am still waiting for therapy. The trouble is that the better I get, the less motivated I'll be to work at therapy and re-reading my original post I see that I have a lot of issues to unravel and resolve. The risk for me now is that I'll develop another disfunctional coping technique. Still, disfunctional or not, I've survived this long and my family seem to love me and I have some great new friends here. 
Thank you, and I wish that we all enjoy happier days soon.
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When the time comes and you get your Therapy all set up for you - I wish you didn't have to way and keep waiting - Well, when you have finally your first therapy appointment, if you feel less motivated to work at therapy, remember that you are not alone, you have great friends here, I am a new one, but I am right here with you, just remember that you can even see what you would like to improve about yourself, that is a plus.
And you are loved, and you don't hesitate to give a hand to help - by your post - to the others in the forum. Big Hugs
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A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks.
– Charles Gord