I enjoy the thought of meditation. it seems like something that I might find difficult to do, especially in terms of trying to find a place free of distractions. plus...i think i have the failing of having good intentions but my "what is the point-attitude" seems to sully my process.

i find myself really starting to feel that "what is the point-attitude" with therapy in general. being away from therapy now about a month and a half, i have become complacent and settled in and apathetic....and frankly lazy about caring if I ever return to therapy again. (this is part of what I think my therapist was concerned about when i was planning on this break...regressing.)

if i have that attitude, it seems silly to do therapy again...because i wouldn't be doing any of the work necessary. it would be a waste of time for my therapist and me.

when I was 12 years old I already had a well-formed vision that my life would be this way: lived alone. i think i need to accept that. i can't envision myself being able to change my thinking that people are dangerous and i can't envision not loathing myself to think i should bother to find friends. so that combo doesn't bode well for my change.

good luck to the rest of you