"...sort of like when I feel suicidal I don't want to upset anyone by doing it but not because I feel my life has any meaning or point....not sure if I am quite making my thoughts clear."

That is EXACTLY how I've been feeling for months but couldn't convey the feeling very well to others, and you just worded it perfectly. And I'm not sure how to get past this point, either. I have no advice, just understanding of that sentiment you so perfectly described.