I don't deserve happiness, wellness, contentment, a remission, call it what you will, it is not going to happen. I need to get over myself and start accepting the truth, I'm depressed for a reason and that reason is that I am a waste of a life, a waste of a mind, a waste of a body, a waste of air.

sorry, Original - but why do you believe you are 'a waste of life'? did you kill someone unintentionally? just wondering - were dinosaurs a waste of life? - they lived for like 165 million yrs and no one cared about them and they all died - yet - they're useful today (in oil). so - do you have an ego problem or is it because someone doesn't love you that makes you think you are 'a waste of life'? since you speak in generalities (very fluent BTW, well written) - i'm thinking you could write a 1000 pgs and still not let anyone in.
until you do (let someone in) - you WILL be alone in hell.
dramatization is a very good ploy, but its not helping you any.
take care.