Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellion
So I have been trying to put into words how I have been feeling, and been proving to be very difficult but I think I have somewhat of a grasp on it. I have been feeling quite apathetic about myself and my health, but I still care a lot about some close family and a couple friends and potential boyfriend I've met. But I know in order to maintain healthy relationships with people its helpful to also take care of ones-self and care about your wellbeing....I mean on the surface yeah I am trying to eat healthier, but more just to attempt ot lessen my digestive discomfort/lack of appetite and constantly being borderline underweight or moderately underweight issues so I don't feel hungry all the time...not because I am really thinking about 'this will help me live a more full-filling life'
There are also some issues in the world I care deeply about or am disturbed and or noticeably affected by...not that i really do much about those things, not sure what to do about that stuff....no one seems to take activism of any kind very seriously and I have terrible social skills and executive functioning difficulties so I don't know how to organize anything.
Its also strange since I get panic attacks, and sometiems PTSD related flashback incidents where I feel like reliving what happened or bits of it...or get afraid something simular is about to take place...and pretty sure I'd surrender my wallet if someone robbed me at gun point or something....yet then I also have been having suicidal ideation and feelings of wondering what the point is and whether or not I should off myself..no immediate plans but the concepts been floating around in my head.
|
Hellion,
I am sorry you're feeling this way, and the fact that you are concerned about world/general issues and crisis' shows your compassionate, from my experience with people (not much either), I have learned this ingredient is overlooked and undernourished.
Without hope, what is the point right? - I also let general and world situations get to me, and it really does drag me down too.
You said you are eating healthily because you are borderline underweight and want to keep an eye on this? Well, perhaps look at the positive benefits of adopting a healthyish lifestyle (Dieting and fitness I am ready to give up on because I can feel no mental benefit, however I know that it gives me something to cling on to). - And I know 'positive' is harder to put into action than said, but at least it is something to work towards feeling? Or just happiness, more importantly.
I know how damaging flashbacks can be and many others do too, these flashbacks change my mood instantly, they keep the one held down and trapped in a time frame, there is never a day that i'm truly at peace within my mind, and it gives me less hope everyday. If there was a way to deal with them, i'd tell you but in the mean time medication and exercise temporarily masks the emotional turmoil- from experience so far.
