I really get that. I think different therapists from different orientations feel differently about it. Most CBT therapists have little if any training in how to deal with it, and would avoid it like the plague. Mine had a lot of training in it and believed it was essential for me. And she was exactly right. I was very attachment-avoidant, and really didn't even understand what "attachment" meant or felt like. I was super-independent and cringed at the thought of being dependent on anyone in any way. She kept talking to me about it, with a wry smile. It would make me recoil inside, and I was quite boastful about my having no need for suck a ridiculous thing. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Literally. I'll never forget the day that she was telling me that she would be going out of the country for a few weeks. My heart sunk, and I (without thinking) blurted out "What will I do?" She slowly leaned over, never taking her eyes off mine, and slowly said (with that wry smile), "Sounds like attachment to me." That was when the real journey of trust began.

And transference isn't only positive. The transference I had with my therapist was based on her stepping into a role that filled a need I had that was interfering with my ability to form and sustain truly healthy relationships. Transference can also be negative (and you can actually have both at the same time!). Negative transference would be where you overlay a previous bad relationship onto your therapist. For example, if you always felt like you didn't matter to your mother and felt rejected, then if your therapist has to cancel an appointment, you might feel rejected and like she doesn't care, just like your mother. If the hurt of your childhood developed into a thing where you then treated your mother with rejection (like as a young adult, withholding emotionally), then when you next meet with the therapist after the cancellation, you might be withdrawn and unwilling to really engage.

I had a lot of both during several years of my therapy, and my therapist was just amazing in how she handled it every step of the way. But she is a firm believer in the healing power of a therapist being able to model and become an attachment figure that heals a gap left by parents that were not emotionally available. And I believe I'm living proof that she is right.