I feel like not doing anything, like work on my dream as a writer, overcoming my social anxiety or prepare for a job interview. All these negative and dark thoughts come across my mind, and it's making me feel worse. I don't even feel like reading, it's as if I'm addicted to these thoughts and feelings. I still feel a huge responsibility over therapy - part of myself wanted to comfort and protect my ex-therapist, and another part wanted to protect his woman clients. Should I tell my family about this? They don't know yet that I left therapy and I'll have to explain. I don't want the therapist to get in trouble and have him be mad at me if it all turned out to be my imagination. At every beginning of each sessions, he would sit down, then he'd smile and sigh before asking, "Where shall we begin?" Is that normal? Another thing, before we started the second session, he was following me into his office while apparently smirking at me. When I turned around, he said "Right through there" and gestured inside the room. Does that sound unethical? I thought I noticed other bad signs, too.

I just feel really hopeless. I don't feel like I could improve my writing skills, be able to make friends or memorize my answers to the interview questions. My family and I are struggling financially - and it doesn't help that the insurance makes us pay each month. We can't afford doctor visits at the moment, and it seems like I have to wait after next week until I schedule an appointment with my job counselor to discuss therapy and other issues.