Quote:
Originally Posted by Parley
I must be an idiot because I have no clue if I fought or froze. I was there and I know I did what I had to do to survive. I feel I fought but I also used denial as a means to achieve it. It seems to me that denial is a form of freezing?
I guess to me it doesn't really matter because I'm here and even knowing what I know today~ I would not have did anything different.
Teacake you said, "Recovery seems to be about going back to old fights knowing what we should have done."
There is no "should have" for me. Does that mean I am not in recovery?
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In my experience, which is just my experience, getting to a place of no "should have" is a great relief.
Ive experienced my body throwing up all kinds of images. Some are violent. If they are spontaneous they blow over quick. Its like an action untaken got locked in place needs to be discharged. But sometimes Its an improbable or unrealistic action. No matter.
Where im stuck right now is in a time of witnessing a lover reliving some horror, being frozen and not knowing what to do. My fantasy is, oddly, to be back on the dijo floor, practicing shaking a man awake, I guess the body-minds just wants to Master it. God knows, I have a yearning like the yearning for love to be able to go back into that moment and bring that man out of that prison. I have hope that I will find a way. I happened before.