So I haven't had any major mood episodes in almost 3 months, just psychotic symptoms minus any major mood disturbances. I got thinking there for a while that I must not have ever had bipolar or any major mental illness, that it is something else or has just gone away. It's hard to still accept having a serious mental illness because for me over the past few years, I have been in the hospital the majority of the time and it is like without major mood swings that I am just "normal" again and I also stopped my medication around 3 months ago when I was feeling better because I wanted to see if I could live without it. I haven't had a major mood episode since so I thought that I could do without meds, that and I have had lifestyle changes that have stabilized me a lot more. But the thing is that I do need meds because this illness is a lifelong thing and when I'm not having mood episodes, I am having horrible hallucinations and delusions as well as other psychotic symptoms. I have just went back on meds, the other day and am seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow because my psychotic symptoms are worsening.. But, I am reading this book called An Unquiet Mind by Kay Jamison and this passage really explains things.. "I realize that I was experiencing what is coldly and prosaically known as a remission-common in the early years of manic-depressive illness... But I assumed I was just back to my normal self". I know not everybody in this forum is bipolar type but I think it relates to all illnesses and I wanted to share because personally, it gave me some validation and explanation for what is going on with me and how to deal with it.