Hi all - forgot I even wrote this post. Well, where to even start.... So my providers now all know what the self harm was. 2 were concerned and one (psych nurse) simply said "this is good forward movement in that the alters are starting to ask for help - unhealthy, even - and starting to tell people. They're showing they need help. and we will create a safety plan together" ...which we didn't do.
So i wrote that post on the 21st.... saw T on the 23rd (harming on the arms first tho) and managed to hint to what the issue was and she finally got it. She asked if I needed to be hospitalized. I dissociated and switched alters. she spent time making small talk to try and bring me back. at the end of session again she talked about arranging it so I could go to the hosp. The alter (who is both harmer and protector) said she didn't know what to do (which is new - she usually straight refuses). T caught on to that mighty fast, but let "us" make the decision - we couldn't. We sat in the lobby for an hour and T actually drove us home (just down the street) since it was pouring rain. Not another word was said.
That night, I felt her working up to harming in that way again. I got real scared and called crisis. I packed a bag. Crisis sent a cab and I went to the hosp. I had to wait an hour and then got back to "observation" and took my night meds. I got calm and sleepy. They said "oh you're calm now, do you feel like you can be safe if we send you home?" :/ so I was there less than 2 hours. Of course the hosp says 'meet with your provider/s tomorrow'. but I didn't. They know I went, the paperwork gets sent to them. And I let pnurse know when I went in. I didn't hear from anybody. I know it is my responsibility to check in with them. But I admit I was sad that not one of them checked in with me.
One of the days lately I forgot to take meds - then purposely, we didn't take them. "acting out". pnurse said it would likely get worse before it gets better. I see her in 2 weeks... I really doubt a safety plan will be made. Crisis wanted a plan with her for when these things happen so that the hospital can be told in advance what is going on, how to help, and what pnurse wants. I never heard back tho from pnurse.
To be fair with the hospital, i didn't tell them what had really brought me in. They saw the cuts on the arms but I couldn't tell them more than that. Crisis talked with the social worker there, but I don't know what all got related to her - she's the one who sent me home. The nurse and dr were both male so i COULDN'T tell them what was really going on and the gal i usually work with at that hosp wasn't there she knows me and knows how to help and that we are afraid of men.
This time, i didn't seem to care about the men issue. I was in what I call the "empty space" where no one in us is really present. The body moves and responds, but that's it.
So i didn't tell them. i could NOT have an exam. and i couldn't get put on a hold - I have a cat to care for. So i didn't. :/ When the dr asked me if i would harm if I went home, I couldn't answer at first. My head was screaming SAY NO!!!!! And finally some self said "nnnnnoooooooo????" and i laughed in that embarrassed "i totally know I just got caught" thing... and he smiled and let me go home.
What you are both saying about "a safe room" is interesting - we don't have one of those for alters, tho i have heard others speak of such. I also don't know if i can with her - she is as strong as I am. At this point in time, she and I seem to be the main people. The others come and go, but they used to be more involved all the time.
At this point I feel i have to just walk away from the situation and hope for the best. Or maybe even quit therapy, since she seems to injure after therapy. She might even be doing it to scare T off and make her terminate us (since we still badly miss our old T).
I don't know..... thank you for your thoughtful insight.