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Originally Posted by fluffbuster
sorry, Original - but why do you believe you are 'a waste of life'? did you kill someone unintentionally? just wondering - were dinosaurs a waste of life? - they lived for like 165 million yrs and no one cared about them and they all died - yet - they're useful today (in oil). so - do you have an ego problem or is it because someone doesn't love you that makes you think you are 'a waste of life'? since you speak in generalities (very fluent BTW, well written) - i'm thinking you could write a 1000 pgs and still not let anyone in.
until you do (let someone in) - you WILL be alone in hell.
dramatization is a very good ploy, but its not helping you any.
take care.
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why do you believe you are 'a waste of life'?
At the time of posting I believed I was a waste of life because I was profoundly depressed, my deepest depression for many years, possibly my deepest depression ever. At that time I didn't have much (if any grip) on reality. In other posts I made about the same time I expressed the opinion that I was already dead, in that frame of mind, I was alone and afraid and with limited medical support. As things have improved, I'm posting now to show how much things can change in a short period of time. Whether my improvement is due to meds or just the normal progression of the disease IDK.
did you kill someone unintentionally?
Fluffbuster, I'm sure you meant no harm and I'm probably being oversentive, but unintentionally killing someone is a big fear for me and something that I brood on from time to time. No I haven't killed anyone (accidentally or otherwise) but I have an unreasonable fear that I will. That is the trouble with depression, it is unreasonable and when in its grip the unreasonable thoughts overtake and overwhelm me.
since you speak in generalities (very fluent BTW, well written) - i'm thinking you could write a 1000 pgs and still not let anyone in
I recognise that a big emotional issue for me is the ability to trust, so yes I accept that I have problems letting people in. I'm hoping that posting on PC is my first step to opening up. Even if my posts may seem guarded to others, to me they feel like taking a naked walk down the high street.
Incidentally, another PC member suggested that some of my posts, the generalites, the fluency, the guardedness, and even the fantasy life could be Aspergers or an Autistic Spectrum Disorder and in quizzes and screening tools I do score very highly for these traits so maybe that has something to do with the way I express my feelings and write about my depression.
until you do (let someone in) - you WILL be alone in hell
Again, I'm sure you meant no harm but during deep depressions I sometimes hold the belief that I am already dead and in hell.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinco14532323
It is frustration with England's NHS mental health system is what I hear her saying. You have to have a gun to your head to get proper treatment. The intervention teams are just gate keepers trying to save money.
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You are so right there, no doubt the gatekeepers are feeling vindicated right now saying "Look she got better, she didn't need us". I've said this before and I'll say it again, if the intervention team assessors spent time in my head on a moderately bad day, they'd be on their knees begging for mercy, therapy and every drug known to pharma (legal or otherwise).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clara22
Hi
Diversity is one of human characteristics that upsets society the most. Society tries to uniform us, maybe it's just an economy of energy issue, I do not know. That is way when we stand out for the "wrong reasons" society excludes us, calling us crazy or abnormal. People take a great time and psychological energy to deny or hide practices or habits that in fact belong to their intimacy or privacy. If you had a friend in emergency, you could maybe learn about all the "weirdness" they see everyday. Also, cops and psychologists could tell. Unfortunately, all those professions have been trained to "normalize" people that is why sometimes we don't find good help but judgemental attitudes from them. Perhaps I am wrong but to me partly you believe you are meant to be depressed because you have internalized society mandates. We, people with mental health issues, "bother" society somehow. Despite recent advances, in a very profound manner, there is this idea of that there is something radically wrong in us and that we are here just to ruin their party. Well, that it is not true. You have the right to exist as everybody else. Also, you have the right of being in this way you are at the present moment. Nobody can question your value, even yourself because of your mental health condition or habits to keep yourself going. Of course, you have the right to aspire a better life, so it is your right to seek for treatments, and to chose the ones that suit you best
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Thank you Clara, as I've begun to recover I have moved towards the position where I can accept my weaknesses and foibles. I need coping techniques and until I get some meaningful MH support then I have to work with the ones I've got, mostly they are not harmful, just a little eccentric.