My condolences to Soccer Mom and all who are posting. I can relate.

Death, loss, and grief are all so deeply confusing. And excruciatingly painful. Throw the highest level of dysfunction and many "different" mental health issues into the mix and - well - it can really mess you up.

I worked hard at a very young age to cut off my feelings of grief. No one explained death in a way I could grasp so I stuffed everything. Anger, pain, fear. All of it got stuffed. Then, as I became a teen and as other loved ones fell, I stuffed even more. As an adult sufferring more loss, I finally collapsed and crawled into therapy.

After grieving for each of "them," I found myself grieving for what never was, what will never be, and what could have been.

It took me a long time to figure out that it was OKAY to grieve for ME, and not just them. (At least not them all the time!) My entire family is gone now and after paring off the many years and layers of dysfunction and grief, I found me. That's what was under all that "stuffing." Me.

And here I am. I still hurt, some days. I'm lost, some days, but dammit, most days I am ok. I'm gonna be okay!

I truly hope you all will be too.