Sure... My parents can be forgiven. They didn't commit any crimes.

I'm talking about the actual crimes that were committed. The actual prosecutable crimes. The man who molested me should have been prosecuted for his crime. He did not "do the best he could"... he committed a crime. And it would have been very therapeutic for me to attend the trial and to be able to testify against him.

Well... actually, now that I think about it... My dad could have been prosecuted for domestic abuse. (He also hit me once in a moment of anger, when I was about 18.) Would that have made my life any better? I don't know... maybe, if he had been forced to get help back when he first (when I was very young.. probably 4 or 5, maybe even earlier) started hitting my mom..

As it was... my dad got the idea that even the church understood why he would get so angry that he would feel the need to hit someone. The leadership in the church knew what was going on, and decided to deal with it in the way they thought was right. They told my mom that she should just forgive him, and they told my dad, that he should confess and ask God to forgive... at least that is my perspective, after piecing together memories and attitudes. But, my dad never apologized and instead just explained why he reacted in violence.

As far as I'm concerned... there is no justification for hitting anyone... ever... and some of it wasn't just hitting... I remember my dad losing control and beating my mom at least once. Beating someone is not "doing the best you can"... when you beat someone you have committed a crime. and I doubt that what I witnessed was the only time it happened. Domestic violence is not pretty... I know, my dad is an offender.

And again... I've met well-meaning people that have literally said to me "I know you think your dad is terrible... but, he didn't really commit domestic violence..." this is before they even knew much about me, or my childhood, or even asked me why I thought my dad was terrible. I'm telling you... some people are idiots..

One of the things that is frustrating to me is that I've even tried to tell counselors how bad my parents were.. They basically tried to shut me down, like they didn't believe me. I suppose those counselors could be forgiven, because they did the best they could.