Listen do you really think that if what you say were to happen that you would be better??? NO you won't, keep thinking of the past and you will remain there!! Maybe you prefer walking backwards as I really don't know you. Once again my point is that you need to do for you to become better or at least begin to become. Reliving what happened will do nothing for you except continue all those memories. I talk of now and the future as this is where we are and are heading. Have you been diagnosed with NPD or like Sam self proclaimed?