Getting back to this..
Quote:
The narcissist is the product of unjust, capricious and cruel treatment. He is the finished product off a production line of self-recrimination, guilt and fear. He needs to take an antidote to counter the narcissistic poison. But, unfortunately, there is no drug which ameliorates pathological narcissism.
So what can be done?
Confronting one's parents and childhood is a good idea if the narcissist feels that he is ready for it. Can he take it? Can he cope with rediscovered truths, however painful? The narcissist must be careful. This is playing with fire. But if he feels confident that there is nothing that can be revealed to him in such a confrontation that he cannot withstand – it is a good and wise move.
My advice to the narcissist would then be: just dedicate a lot of time to rehearsing the encounter and define well what is it exactly that you want to ask. Do not turn this into a monodrama, group dynamics or trial. Ask in order to be enlightened. Don't try to prove anything, to vindicate, to take revenge, to win, to exculpate. Talk to them as you would with yourself. Do not try to sound professional, mature, intelligent, knowledgeable and distanced. There is no "problem to solve" – just a condition to adjust yourself to. Think about it as diabetes.
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I've asked my parents some questions. I don't really trust my dad enough to ask too many questions.. and he gets defensive very quickly. His attitude is basically "how dare you do anything but forgive me.. the Bible says you need to forgive me". and he has actually, literally said that to me.
But, I just keep analyzing and thinking about it. What happened when.. where we were living at the time... Like a scientist with a science project. Looking at it with an objective eye... trying to see it as an outsider.