I don't think we can wholly plan tone of voice or how another will perceive it and know it is not all that goes into how someone interprets what we say so I think it is dangerous to "try" for a particular tone. We may also think we are "teasing" when we are angry and don't want to be perceived as angry but it become obvious because our words are not the kind that lend themselves well to "just" teasing (so at best we come across as passive aggressive). I do not consider "loud" a tone and I know I "irritate" my husband daily because I am hard of hearing and often say things too loud and it does not matter what I am saying.

I think I would just accept if what I was trying did not "work" and apologize and explain what I meant and then move on. I would not bother wasting time on continued remorse or worry about if people thought poorly of me, etc., nothing I can do but apologize and move on, leave it up to them to accept my apology and realize I meant no harm or hold it against me, whatever their personal bent might be. My words can only suggest things, not make others believe/change/do something how I'd like.