Hi Seraph. I understand exactly how you feel. As a future doctor, you know that BP is a lifelong illness. It is not going to go away. I have come to acknowledge my own recent diagnosis. I have not accepted it, but I acknowledge it and I am medication compliant. I feel 50% better than I felt before I got on meds. But that 50% makes all the difference. It's hard going from day to day. I feel like I am on fire and the meds represent a blanket thrown on me to put out the fire and no one is bothering to dress my wounds which hurt like hell. I can't tell you what to do as I have little experience in this realm but at least talk to a psychiatrist you trust ... and learn to keep your private life private - at least until you are ready to tell your friends and family. Good luck to you. We all have our growing pains.