Hi, dudeinDA, and welcome to Psych Central! I am not a mental-health professional, but a lot of what you are dealing with sounds like anxiety as well as depression.

Feel free to read and post where you would like. We do have a forum called Anxiety, Panic, and Phobias and one called Depression.

How about checking to see if you can find a clinic where professionals take what a person can pay--on what's called a sliding scale? I definitely think you need to get some help. Or at least see a regular doctor.

Again, welcome! I hope you will start getting better soon.