[b] I am going through such a rough time. Losing DS was has been worse each day. It was a real stabilizing force for me. I feel like I am suffering a bit of a relapse. Also, I discovered the reason it is taking me so long to get a job is that my resume is so spotty for the last couple of years. I was just taking customer service jobs to supplement my income and didn't stay at places very long. And now I am terrified I won't get a job. Just sick to my stomach and it feels cold around my heart. I HAVE to get something in about a month -- HAVE TO--or I could lose everything. I have a root canal that is starting to hurt and all that I can get for free is a pulled tooth. Your face begins to cave in with that and you start to lose bone. Please god no. I am so scared and feeling so bereft about the job and of course I miss Beau more than ever. I feel so alone and frightened. I don't understand why God won't allow me to find a job that pays well and is right for me. Is that too much to ask? I feel so adrift. I wish I could convey the depth of my sense of fear and sadness. I feel SO lost. I was doing so well. And now I feel like I took a giant step back. When I look at the social work jobs available they are terrible. I mean terrible. They want you to be chief case manager ( a job in itself) and therapist (definitely a job in itself) and be in charge of like some kind of student recruitment program. OH--and the clientele---Disturbed adolescents and their totally messed up families! I tell you it is pathetic the jobs out there but I need the money. And I can't even seem to get those!!!!

I always ask for this when particularly desperate because I have no confidence in my own prayer powers. Those of you who pray, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. Ane pray that I have money and peace of mind. Thank you.

P.S. How do you get your title in bold? I tried Html and the coding just stayed on the page.