Most abusers were abused themselves? Does that mean we should be punishing the people that abused our abusers because technically it is their fault? And what about the people who made the abusers abusers into what they were? Where does one draw the line?

I know I for one have hurt people because of who I am which was caused by my history, I would ask some understanding from these people surely I must do the same for the people who have hurt me?

What about the unpunishable?

Of my parents my mother is probably the one who has caused the most damage but my father is the only one that could be prosecuted.

How can you punish someone who simply wasn't born with the right synapses or whatever and therefore couldn't emotionally connect to her child?

The guy that abused me was even prosecuted (someone else) but in the end the case was dropped for lack of evidence despite being caught and several other people coming forward. The complexities of prosecuting a child abuse case are almost impossible. These are even worse when it's an old case as would be for most NPD's looking for closure.

Still what he did doesn't compare to the feeling I get knowing my mother failed to protect me.

Then my now ex, he just picked right up where my parents left off and took what little self worth they'd left me.

He left me an emotionally broken mess but he's been hurt too (Ticked many boxes for NPD.) Do I get to hate him now despite his own pain?

Sheesh, most of what happened between us happened because he took advantage of my own vulnerabilities. Now, just because someone is vulnerable does not mean you should take advantage of them but if you are that weak should you not take some responsibility for what happened?

Who is to blame there?

The question of blame I feel is far too blurred to be a real answer to healing.

Perhaps some confrontation may be cathartic but for the most part I don't think you can find healing in the past. It's happened and can not be changed. If you must study it try to learn from it- either to not be like that person who hurt you or to find your own past dangerous behaviours.