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Originally Posted by StbGuy
I'm pretty sure my dad has Asperger's ... My dad has only ever known how to "provide", how to be a "breadwinner", and he lives that role. He has established himself as that, and my mom is the "homemaker", and she is fully dependent on him alone. His attitude is clear, he feels that he makes the much greater contribution in the relationship, since he provides. He feels my mom's role is easy and subordinate quite frankly, and he has no problem reminding her either.
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Are you sure this isn't
simply emotional unavailability? My own dad was like that; it was common among greatest-generation marriages. Given the consideration you've shown in your posts, you don't strike me as that kind of person. Some of your issues may stem from never having had a loving marriage modeled for you by your parents. (Don't get me started on my parents' marriage; I found out only at age 24 that they'd acted a sham.)
If you and/or dad want some perspective, see if you can find a copy of
What Is a Wife Worth? by US divorce lawyer Michael Minton. He was the first to put a solid estimate on what a wife's salary would be based on all the duties she takes on ("child psychologist" among them). This was $44,000 a year in 1978 US dollars! Dad should appreciate this enough to show mom some genuine love!
Quote:
Originally Posted by StbGuy
Also, he constantly reminds me that he is doing it for "us" (my mom and I) and he is doing it for me.
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Great -- a marriage based on guilt.
*bangs head in frustration and offers 
's a-plenty*
Quote:
Originally Posted by StbGuy
I can't approach women "that way". I feel disgusting and overbearing, like I'm giving her unwanted inappropriate attention. I feel like this always, every single time. I feel like they don't want my attention, that they are disgusted by it.... Their body language gives me the message loud and clear.
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Again, you can't presume to read their minds, and I wouldn't assume you're infallible at reading their body language either. Sometimes things do have to proceed more slowly, though -- my not-yet-wife and I did quite a lot of dating before we made love. I firmly believe a prime reason we've done so well is that we weren't "on the prowl" when we met, and then let things unfold in their own due course. Ultimately, a principal purpose of a long-term relationship is to give each other a comfort zone; it's wise to lay the foundations for that well before sex happens.