Hi Lost,
I do not know if I understand your issues but it seems people expect you to do something you do not want to. Perhaps that expectation is "normal" in cultures where communities are more important than individuals. But where you live individuality is a big deal. Your being is pushing to emerge, perhaps. I hope you can find some support to develop your self determination and realize your own desires instead of just following other people wishes or cultural mandates. Hope you keep posting here, it is a good place for peer support online.