In the rational part of my head, I know what a stupid and pointless thing to do it would be, but I often get the urge to run away. I sit and look outside the window or look far into the distance and I think about leaving everything behind and just running and running and not stopping. I guess I don't think what I'd do about the obvious things such as money, food etc. I think maybe I just feel desperate for some sort of escape.

I think about getting a plane ticket to anywhere, or not caring where I end up, I don't think I even see myself stopping at all. In my head I picture it to be some really good thing - as if somehow I could magically escape all my problems and forget about everything. I know how reckless it would be considering that I get suicidal and depressed without much warning or trigger, but it can just be a spur of the moment urge.

It's stupid because you can't run away from yourself, and everything that is wrong with me is all inside my head. I won't leave my feelings behind. I sometimes think that there is no point trying to build a life for myself. I don't care about myself, it seems a waste of time to work on something I don't care about. I don't know how I lost the ability to care about myself, or maybe I never did. I feel like I don't even know what is wrong with me. All these feelings are so confusing.