You are feeling that you don't deserve help---don't deserve anything---please do talk about that with the people around you who are there to help, and who want to help, I know you have a sense of humor, from other posts, so don't forget to use that to your advantage----we are all here, and we all have some thing to offer, and we all deserve to help and be helped----(sure, there are times I don't feel like I deserve anything, that I am a total failure...but black and white thinking is not rational, or useful...it is a trap we set for ourselves----there are many answers to most questions...) Take care of yourself, you mean something to me.