Thank you guilloche for the recommendation on the book and the therapy. I will look into it.
As far as the therapist, I went for quite some time, and spent quite a bit of money on it, but it ended up being like talking with a friend who listens, but doesn't give practical solutions that stick. That's part of the problem with me that we might be discussing a situation, and it might seem like a palpable solution at the time, and I might agree and almost feel enthusiastic in the moment, but then my mind just runs to some other alternative and finding faults with the originally discussed one. It's very very frustrating.
The last thing that was sort of a solution that I stumbled upon in my research and also recommended by the therapist was to write down my values. But I can't because I don't know what they are. I can write a few down this morning, but they will be different tonight because I will have reconsidered them, and they will be different tomorrow. I know this is happening, and I can see it happening, but I'm unable to stop myself and be happy with a certain choice or set or values. And when I do seem to settle somehow for a little bit, my choices are fraught with conflicting intentions, so they simply can't work. It's insanity....
The other thing I wanted to comment on is the bullet situation. I would agree, and I've been coming to the same conclusion as far as myself. I feel I have something blocking in my head that prevents the coaching from really working or sticking. This is what I feel the therapist was unable to identify and suggest a solution for.
I'm beginning to look for another one at the moment. Every day is sort of an ordeal to go through with these thoughts and anxiety (that I know is self-created).
Not fitting in has been a big problem because I often don't feel like I want to engage with people because I either feel there won't be anything we can talk about, or that I would feel inferior because they are driven/happy/focused, and I'm a mess or a whole lot of other reasons.
- Stuck
Quote:
Originally Posted by guilloche
Hi Stuck1978...
I can relate, and don't really have a solution for you. A couple thoughts popped out at me. I don't know if any would be helpful, but they might be worth thinking about.
1. I loved SnakeCharmer's response about addiction. It actually gave me a lot to think about (sugar for me, but so much of what was said seems to ring true for even that!).
2. re: Not fitting in anywhere. I have this too. You might want to take a look at "schema therapy". Check out the book, "Reinventing Your Life" by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko (my library had it). I haven't actually done schema therapy yet (no one in my area does it, it seems like, and I found it just as I was getting started with a new T) - but it looks fascinating, and there might be something in the book that could help you.
I only recommend it because what you said about not fitting in fits the "Social Exclusion Lifetrap (Schema)" - basically the key phrase for this is, "I don't fit in". I have this one too  . The book has some things you can do to start tackling it... but I'm guessing it's a million times easier if you've got a smart therapist guiding you.
3. Therapy... did you just go to the one session? I'm not sure what happened that turned you off from therapy? I'm not good at therapy myself (too much of my mental crap interferes with productive therapy, I think)... but I think that having a converation is a pretty normal thing to do in therapy. It's a very... sticky, grey, figuring-it-out-as-you-go sort of thing, to me anyway. Some therapists seem to be much more directive and goal driven. I wonder if you just need to try a different therapist, to find someone you click with? Therapy is super uncomfortable (for me, anyway), but omg - I'm so hoping it will help with all these issues. Since you're having trouble getting things done, I'd look for a more directive therapist... my new therapist is MUCH more directive than my previous ones, and so far, I think it's going to be a huge help. I seem to need a little pushing, since without it, I just float through time (which sounds like what you're describing).
4. The reason I'd say try to get into therapy... the last part of what I quoted from you, above... to me that feels like there may be something bigger that you're dealing with. Nothing feels important or interesting enough to stick with because you (may?) have other, more pressing issues internally that need to be resolved. Trying to find something out in the world that is "interesting enough" to generate commitment on your part is backward and won't work, you need to deal with all the stuff inside first, so that you have the energy available to engage with the world. (Again, this is definitely true for me, so I can sure relate...)
There's a story that Martha Beck tells in one of her books. She used to do life coaching. She says to imagine that you are out in the middle of the woods, in a cabin, and one day a stray bullet burst through the window and hit you in the chest! As you're bleeding and in pain, she pops in the door and says, in a happy voice, "Hi there camper! Are you ready to do some life coaching!?". At this point, your answer would be "no! get me to the hospital!"
It's not that you like going to the hospital, or that sounds fun. It's that... nothing will ever be fun again until you remove the bullet from your chest.
That really struck me. And, that's one big reason I'm back in therapy... because nothing is going to be fun until I manage to fix all the unfun childhood stuff that I'm carrying around. Maybe there's something like that for you too? |