I once bought a one-way ticket to Amsterdam, but I never went. Sometimes nothing matters does it? Thats the way I felt, my kids my house, my husband, job etc... You are right of course, you cannot run away from yourself, your feelings, your thoughts. They are all there with you like excess baggage. Depression will engulf your life and strangle it just like a weed.. You are not getting the help you need. I know you said you dont care but that's not you talking, that's the illness.
Best wishes