Thanks everyone!!

withit, I was abandoned by two therapists - one completely changed the rules re. phone calls outside sessions when I was in crisis (that was my last therapist) and the other basically turned mean. I know I pushed them and tested them. I was left feeling more hurt and undeserving than I was before though. I guess I was just unlucky and it's a case of third time lucky? But I do know my self hatred comes out more strongly after a time in therapy and it was hard for those two therapists to deal with it

I think you're spot on that I felt they both had an agenda and so couldn't absorb their caring

Thanks again to all!