Hello, I’m here at PC looking for help. My problem is this. I’m experiencing very strong obsessive/contradictive thoughts over a woman I was involved with last year. I’ve been apart from her for 8 months now, and it was my choice to leave. This year I realized I’d developed an idealization of her that I've ended up obsessing over. The idealization was never even real, meaning this person I long for doesn't even exist. I just can’t believe my mind is doing this too me.

In my initial post http://forums.psychcentral.com/gener...-thoughts.html, I talked about my history. And more here in my bio. But basically I suffered an emotional breakdown last year. I’d been very close to this woman for a couple years before my meltdown, but I did NOT want anything serious with her. However not long after my breakdown, then I felt I was in love with her. Wtf? I’m not, and I know it. But I thought I was, and started seeing her. She's an alcoholic and I discovered she was drinking again, lies and cold-hearted actions followed. It did not end up well.

I’ve seen a couple good therapists about this. Each good in their own way. I’ve got significant anxiety, which most likely is causing the depression. My T and P both think this is driving my obsessive thoughts. And they both think my meltdown last year has a large role in all this. But, a cure hasn’t been found for me. I can work in a limited capacity, half time at home. But I can not function at 100%. It is getting better that it was a few months back I think. I’m more successful at stopping the obsessive thoughts which happen mostly when I’m tired. Or just waking in the morning.

I’ve never had emotional issues before, so I’m completely confused as to what’s happening and how to deal with it. Doesn’t help that my T said I’m a very complicated person. Guess that’s what I get for being an INFJ… ha

Any ideas/thoughts welcome. Very welcome.