Hi, ~rider. Hmmm. It almost sounds like you are a man grieving over the loss of his wife via death. Such men can really idealize their dead spouse, only remembering the good parts and, of course, wanting her back. And thinking about her frequently.

How about posting in the Grief and Loss forum here to see what folks there might have to say? Worth a try, I would say. Here's the link: http://forums.psychcentral.com/grief-loss/.

I hope you can get over her before too long and get on with your life.