Oh, Eskielover!!!

Thank you for taking the time to write your post! I sent you a message a while back because I lost my favorite dog, Bello, an American Eskimo Spitz. It gives me a lot of hope to know you became your own handywoman by watching Youtube. You go girl! I also have 3 ruptured discs so heavy work is not an option. But, the free time that comes with disability can easily be put to use on a historic home. I don't have near your land - WOW! But, I have flower gardens and maybe I'll be ready for a dog someday. I adore dogs, but losing them is the hardest part. My husband has been audited twice because he writes off way too much, and he can barely make ends meet. I didn't marry him for his money or under some delusion of his career rocketing. But we literally go out to dinner maybe once every 3 years. Why go out? He knows I'll cook dinner every night. If we do something it has to be on a holiday or some crap. I'm glad you told me how happy you are living alone. I do think what has kept me here for years is just financial fear. We stopped having a marriage a long, long time ago. I don't even have a life right now. My husband judges my friends, corrects my opinions, tells me I can't accomplish things, and forever reminds me of every single mental breakdown I had in the past 10 years.

The thought of my husband getting a penny of any inheritance makes my stomach turn. He has never "taken care" of me beyond paying my freaking phone bill. Nothing I do is or ever will be good enough while I'm the only one expected to do the changing. What really made my mind up is he told me I had a long way to go in meeting his standards. Getting sober wasn't enough. He told me I don't have the stress of a job; I see doctors and take meds, so when am I going to be normal? I could have taken his head off it made me so furious. He also told me when we got married my Dad said "it's about time someone took that crazy B**** off his hands." So, yeah I still have a long ways to go on self-esteem but sobriety really helped. When I got married I was not sober, medicated or diagnosed. So, I guess the writing on the wall may have been a bit blurry.