Hi hunny...I'm so sorry you are struggling so much these last few days. It definitely sounds like the decrease in lamictal made you have an episode. I'm glad you got a hold of the other pdoc but it sounds like it didn't help too much. The.klonopin should help ease any anxiety and help you sleep. I'm very familiar with.Sui ideation as I've lived with it for years. I recently came out of the hospitals iop program and learned some new coping skills. Try and clear yr mind of the intrusive thoughts by deep breathing and focusing on things that are important to you like yr family. One skill I do is called four square breathing. Take in a deep breath, hold for four seconds then exhale. Do this four times. Breathe deeply. Focus on outlining a square in yr mind as you do this. Ur going to get thru this! I know you don't want to go back to the hospital but if yr having big urges then it can keep you safe..Ur posts are never pitiful...we're here to support you. We're a soft place to land when things are falling apart. I'm also on lamictal 400mg a day. It's a great mood stabilizer. Why did they decrease it,? Were you feeling really stable? Can you talk to yr husband about these feelings yr having? Do you have a close friend you can call? You could also call a crisis line in yr area. I wish I had something to say that would make you feel better. If you want to talk you can pm me anytime...please don't hesitate to reach out. God bless you.