I'm here. I wasn't going to reply, but having galloped to someone's defense, I may as well reply here.

I was wanting to make plans to move from Ottawa to Toronto, so I could be closer to my mother and brother and to Doug. But then I thought of the high rents and my father towering over me, screaming at me. That ended it right there.

My mental health nurse now knows about Montreal. She wants to know if I ever sued them. She wants me to contact a lawyer at Legal Aid to write the hospital and find out the truth about what happened to me. So what if it turns out that it was their fault? What do I do? Sue them? It's a welfare recipient against a world class hospital, guess who'd lose that one. I'd lose even those their actions will cause me a lifetime of physical and mental anguish.

I cried in church today, sickened that I must spend the rest of my life in Ottawa, hiding from my father's rage and deprived of a friend's support. I may have to wait until my father dies before I move back. Doug could be dead by then.

I just want to pull away from the rest of humanity. I feel more alone with people than I do without them. So what if Doug says isolation is terrible, I grew up thinking it was the most wonderful thing in the world, thanks to my father.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.