Why is it that I have all so good, all basic needs, and much more, yet I still can't feel happy? I'm writing this on a airplane flying back home from a holiday, how many people can never do something like this, but are happy with they have? And here I am, ungrateful, arrogant, simply put, an idiot, ready to kill myself because things aren't going well. Something that pops up to my mind instantly is, do I even deserve to live this live. Many would kill for a life like mine yet I'm the one that wants out of it. I'm the one that is 'suffering'. I've thought about it so many times, what would happen if a life like this was suddenly gone? Well, honestly, not much at all would change, perhaps it would even be better, no need for anyone to worry about that one kid who has a great life but still isn't happy? It's kinda funny though, I don't think I even remember happiness... I just want out.

I was just writing down thoughts while on the plane home... That's what came out, I didn't want to edit it at all, so it's written horribly. On the other hand, I still haven't gone to see anyone for all.. 'this' yet, and I think my anxiety and depression is slowly taking a hold of me because every day I feel more and more like giving up on the idea of seeing anyone, giving up in general. I don't even know if it'll help at all anyway...