Today i had my dr appt. She is reviewing me weekly for the past three weeks becoz i had been unstable and kinda getting worse.

I usually give her copies of my journals written in eng coz i dun communicate well verbally. Today my mum brought along my sketches of my violent thoughts from last week and week before. My dr didn't want to IP me in the past weeks but today she gave me the option of going IP. Meanwhile, she has been adjusting and increasing my med too. I had been feeling manageable with less violent thoughts for the last few days so I thought i can postpone it. Plus, I am seeing her next week and I can go AnE anytime if necessary. I walked away from the offer.

But then all of a sudden this evening i started feeling frustrated and mad for no reason. Like i wana cry but not really, wana scream my lungs out. My head is torturing me that it feels like I wana scratch my eyes out and rip my head open. I can't explain the frustration but i hope you get what i mean. I banged and hit things.

Did I make a right decision today? It's hard to walk into ward when you are feeling alright and in control, so i thought IP was not yet needed this afternoon.