Why are you staying with a selfish, abusive man? Maybe you can consider separating yourself from him, getting marriage counseling, and seeing what happens. Does your T know he's abusive? If so, I don't know why they're trusting him to make the decision as to whether you should go inpatient. He's not a reliable person to make that type of decision.

Also, sometimes we have to sacrifice in the short-term in order to improve or stay safe in the long term. Which is worse for your children? The chaos caused by your short-term inpatient, or having to live their lives knowing their mother committed suicide? Obviously, the latter is worse. And so maybe it's better for your children in the long-term to have you go inpatient.