No, thank you Peanut. It's nice to know someone cares.

My first priority in talking to a lawyer is to find some answers. It was the nurse who suggested the lawyer and not me. It seems only prudent to watch out for my interests. Montreal is notorious for not releasing medical records, they may become even more tight lipped if they realize potential malpractice is involved.

Because of one operation, I was completely robbed of my ability to crawl by nerve damage, which drastically affected my quality of life. I could not do a lot of things after that, because it was too painful to pick me up.

I cannot wash my feet, put on socks or cut my toenails without massive pain. I must wear socks and fleece slippers constantly to protect my feet from even being brushed against.

They cannot put me in a plaster cast for any future leg surgery. They must put me in skeletal traction: a metal pin through a bone to immobilize the limb, which for me is the greater ordeal.

I broke my leg in the hospital as a direct result of the nerve damage. I could not tell my leg was tangled in the blanket when the nurses lifted me.

I have been left with a permanent phobia of hospitals. This has affected my ability to act in all medical decisions. I have lived with aches and pains and a dislocated hip for years because I was too terrified to see a doctor, fearing that what happened at the age of 12 would happen again. I might not be on morphine now had I acted sooner and not been afraid. In my line of business, when there is a medical decision, it is crucial that I act without fear or sentiment, as these can get in the way of making a decision.

That one operation robbed me of the ability to act without fear and there may be other consequences that I do not know about.

They will say I'm greedy for money. Caring for someone with a disability is expensive and anyway, in my current condition, I am unlikely to go jetting off to the Riviera. Any money will be gone in a few short years. I want those people to know what one mistake did to a 12 year old kid and to make sure that my suffering isn't in vain and that it doesn't happen again. They took something precious from me, but most precious of all, I trusted these people to make me better and they made me worse. I have had a very hard time trusting doctors ever since.

Whether I sue them or not will depend on what happens in the days ahead and what happens with the lawyer. I hesistate to do this because these people were like family to me, but I may never get any peace unless I resolve this.

Oh and my parents have been very tight lipped about Montreal. I would rather have gotten answers from them. If I do this, I will wish I had stayed silent, because all sorts of relatives may suddenly come crawling out of the woodwork, relatives who for years didn't know I existed, relatives who won't give a &^%$ about the fact that this lawsuit will screw up my financial status and I will have to live off that money for life, relying on it for everything from rent to wheelchairs to meds. There will be no trips to the Riviera. The drugs alone can cost thousands per year.

And before you start blessing my good fortune, this is the kind of good fortune I would rather not have. I will likely want to trade that money in to duck the next trip into traction.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.