I am 40. I have one "real" tattoo from over 20 years ago, and three "homemade" tattoos. One in particular has been causing me SO much agony over the last 20 years, because I'm embarrassed by it. I am EXTREMELY self conscious.

Most people who know me would agree that this has been an extremely difficult year for me. Probably my worst in a long time. So take that into consideration, plus the fact that I started seeing a T in May for the first time (in like 20 years too), and bringing up all these bad feelings/experiences in my life. I got a tattoo less than two weeks ago. Some people really made a stink about it. I actually went in to get a consult on the embarrassing one I wanted covered, and just got a simple one while I was there. Well today, I got two more. A teeny tiny one, and a larger one on my upper arm, covering up the "bad" tattoo. When she asked me if I wanted to see, I looked up and nearly started crying. I was finally free. Free to not hide my arm, free to wear tank tops and swimming suits in public without hiding...just free. The other one was just a little freebie thrown in. All three are meaningful to me, but it just so happens, all three were gotten in the month of July.

So, I'm SO happy to be "free". No more hiding. Although, I have my last session with my T tomorrow (for three weeks) and I don't want her to see them. I am afraid she would take them the wrong way, psychoanalyze them, or make them out to be "self harm" or "mutilation." I used to be a cutter. More than 20 years ago. I'm afraid she would think more into this than there is. Yeah, the timing is coincidental. But I also agreed I was going to focus on taking care of MYSELF this summer, and that's what I'm doing.

So....I don't want my last session before her break to be about these tattoos. 80 degrees tomorrow, and I intend to wear a long sleeved shirt of some kind. Maybe a button up one (open) over a tank top, so it doesn't look TOO suspicious, I don't know, but something. Am I being stupid? I know I shouldn't hide things from her.... but I just want to hide it this one time, so we have a good session. I'm willing to go that route when she gets back.

When I saw the one tattoo, I nearly cried. I'm free. I'm free of that blasted thing I hid on my arm all these years, and bought my wardrobe around. No more hiding. Except tomorrow....