I feel somewhat similarly, actually am seeing a different therapist since my therapist had to take same sort of leave...and it seemed like maybe a better idea not to go months without therapy even though I haven't really seemed to have benefited much from it. But still switching therapists isn't always something I am up for.

Is there any way you could see a therapist that is not going on leave soon? If you're still struggling it probably would be best not to quit therapy, though if the approach being used isn't helping maybe you need a different sort of therapy than you are getting...but I know the feeling of showing up, not really seeing much benefit and wondering why to continue when having to switch therapists, or see someone else while yours goes on leave and what not.

I also get suicidal thoughts, though unfortunately have attempted...so not exactly too chicken to do anything, which in this case is not a good thing but when those thoughts get out of hand there's always the psych ward...safer than risking attempting by being left to myself at least supposed to be but I worry about unpleasant experiences with that.

Also perhaps looking into ideas outside of therapy might help, like more holistic sort of approaches to mental health that might help, or if you're not already sometimes medications can help....though not always, and some cause problems of their own depending on the person but sometimes just talk therapy alone isn't all that effective.